Thunder

We walked to the bus stop in the thunder yesterday. Oops. I should've driven. The low rumbles were a little worrisome and then we got a couple huge cracks and he came unglued. I felt so bad, but probably being in the van would've been almost as scary. Thankfully, we don't live somewhere with many thunderstorms. Add it to the list of things that are hard for Carver. Right up there with fireworks.

Things I don't want to forget

Carver gave me a dandelion yesterday on the way home from the bus stop. I can't be sure it's the first time, but I think so. Very sweet.

He played outside yesterday while I weeded and got all friendly with worms and caterpillars. He wriggled a worm back and forth between his thumb and forefinger until it became 2 worms. :) He kept saying, "friend - worm!"

On the way to the bus stop today, a wasp landed on his arm. I looked down in the stroller and he was saying, "awww" to his new friend like he does for hugging babies and stuffed animals. I flicked it off and smashed it. No more wasps for friends, please.

We had jello at lunch yesterday in little plastic cups because he watched me make it the day before and saw Lydia take one in her lunch to school. He was SO excited. Sat right up there, asked for a straw and tried to drink it! :)

I keep forgetting to blog about the lack of SPIO. After months of hoping and trying, I decided it wasn't helping and it wasn't worth the hassle of keeping it clean. I still completely support SPIO and encourage it for others. I've heard enough amazing success stories first hand to believe it works for a lot of kids. It just didn't help Carver.

He's telling me lots about school lately. "Dance. Circle Time. Freeze. Stop." Or "Brown table. Snack. Cereal." I love it. I'm hearing more and more verbs, too. "eat snack" or "play sand" or "watch Kipper." Hurray!

routines, separation anxiety

Doesn't Carver look handsome in his hand-me-down sports coat? I LOVE it. He loves it, too - especially sticking his hands in those pockets.

This week is spring break and I've done really well planning activities in the morning so we don't all go crazy at home together. Carver's done really well because I've maintained our afternoon routine almost completely. Lunch, then a little quiet play and playing in beans/rice, make a nest on mom's bed for a couple books (usually Curious George Makes Pancakes then the pop-up truck book, but right now he's fixated on Winnie-the-Pooh "tight squeeze" and we're reading it twice in a row), a nap, then a movie with fruit snacks, a snack, playtime with the girls and have to kinda wing it til dinner. Every minute can't be planned, unfortunately. So we've been successful at spring break. I have a glimmer of hope for the summer. Maybe we'll go outside at the same time every day or something, take a walk or go to a park. We'll get creative, but I think we might survive 2 whole months without preschool. Sigh. That sounds hard!

Onto the mystery of the week. I had to run errands with ALL 4 of my monkeys. It was a little... hmmm... crazy? Definitely. Whiny? That, too. One stop included returning a clear sterilite tote I'd bought at Wal-mart the week before. I'd picked up 4 at once and hadn't noticed a huge hole in the corner of one. So back it had to go. Carver FREAKED out. I completely traumatized him with the transaction. There was a long line (go figure) and so we got to cry about it the whole time we waited for our turn. I'm not sure if telling him ahead of time is a good idea, but he does best with time to get used to things - especially where we're going and what we're doing. Why didn't he understand that it was broken and we didn't want it? He understands the concept of broken. Why was this so heart-breaking?

Then today I returned sandals and a shirt I picked out for Derek at Costco. He didn't like them, so back they went. Carver was super worried about that at home, but cried only off and on. And we walked right up to the counter and he wanted to hand them to the cashier, which he did. (And incidentally, he was telling him "sandals, sandals" and the guy was so not kid-friendly. He ignored him and obviously figured something was "wrong" with Carver. He didn't win many points with me.) Then the freak out began. In fact, I talked to Carver the whole transaction about it and everyone is staring at a preschooler crying inconsolably about returning adult sandals. Is there something I'm missing? This is the sort of experience that makes me wonder again about cognitive delays. It's like something hasn't clicked in his brain, that there is a switch that needs to be flipped so he understands about separation and that we don't form attachment to plastic totes and sandals.

Along the same lines, Carver's finally gotten better about not wailing and crying everytime someone goes to the bathroom. Seriously, he used to fully lose it every single time someone shut the door at our house or at someone else's. Kids, grown-ups, people he loves, people he hardly knows. Now he only does that sometimes. Okay, maybe half the time. But still, that's better. And he doesn't cry and cry when Derek leaves for work. He totally gets that routine now. It's always right after breakfast, it's a very structured part of our day. But I guess you just never know when someone is going to need to use the restroom, not much I can do about that!!

Parent Teacher Conference

Last week Derek and I went to Carver's parent teacher conference. If you've only ever been to a typical PT conference you are WAY missing out! These preschool conferences are amazing. We spent nearly a full hour talking to Carver's teacher, as well as one of his occupational therapists. It's such a different experience than talking for 10 minutes with his sisters' teachers! I love it.

First of all... Carver is extremely well behaved at school - no tantrums, no hitting at all. They were really surprised that we even asked. We were surprised that THEY were surprised! For awhile there Carver was saying about school, "hit... sad... cry." And we'd wonder what that was all about! He hits plenty at home and tantrums are just a part of communication between us. It's relieving and disappointing at the same time to know that he's so much better those 3 hours a day he's away from us! (makes me wonder what we are doing wrong...) But mostly I'm grateful that he's good and that because of that, he's able to get the most out of the program.

He's their "color boy" and knows at least 8 colors. I see him doing shapes at home, as well - stars, triangles, squares, circles. He still knows a few letters, but hasn't been as interested in that lately. They said that he answers questions right, that he sits criss-cross applesauce on the floor (they found that the cool cushion his old teacher liked was making him wiggle more), participates in singing time and knows the routine. He helps other students with their coats and backpacks and LOVES to help bring out the heavy car road map every day. He showed us and and just beamed. Too cute.

Oh - I loved that they said he was VERY good at quiet hands, that he does it instantly! It's your basic folded arms and we told them that he does it for prayers at home, too. Pretty cool to see the overlap and the success in both areas because he's very good at folding arms for prayers at home. Keeping them folded and not eating his food is another story.

He's meeting milestones and goals from the beginning of the year, some of which might have been too low. But cognitively, it was hard to guess what he knew back then. Now we're seeing an explosion of language and participation, even at home at his grumpiest. Interestingly enough, they said that since the class split into 2 smaller groups, lots of kids have been talking more and making better progress. I'm so grateful that the district hired another teacher! These kids definitely needed the space. His teacher seemed great. We're very happy with everyone there.

In his gross motor occupational therapy, Carver's working on catching balls, throwing balls, bouncing balls, swinging on platform swings, scooting on a "bike" with his feet, riding a scooter down a ramp, and lots of jumping. Jumping off steps and jumping around like a frog. It was great to get tips of things we can try at home. That was the OT we met with so I have more details from her.

As far as speech goes, he's labeling really well with one word. They are working towards categorizing items - name a food or a vehicle, etc... I thought that was interesting. I love seeing how the learning process is broken down to individual steps. Also, they are working on using more verbs in his speech. I've been thinking about that, too. simple sentences like "I like milk" and "want" have been goals I've had for us. He says "hold it" (when he wants to touch something) and other verbs that are slipping my mind at the moment, it's definitely an emerging skill that we'll be working on.

It was super cool to take him with us because he knew right where to go, led us up to his classroom and knew which door to go to and everything. It was so fun to see his place! I can't say enough how GRATEFUL I am for preschool - the very best thing to happen to Carver!

Potty success

Shame on me for not posting this picture in January - Carver had his FIRST success in the potty back then. He was delighted, he knew what happened and that he got to wear a Lightening McQueen pull-up as a reward. Wa-hoo! I've tried to put him on the toilet first thing in the morning, hoping it would be the best time. That particular day, his diaper was already wet and I can NOT believe he went again. And then 10 minutes later in the pull-up, too. Does he have amazing control? Or is something wrong? Who knows. I need to ask the dr. I was regular at this for a week or so and then I got lazy, then I forgot. But I remembered again today and he POOPED in the potty. He'd been sitting there less than a minute, recognized what was coming and sure enough - he did it! HURRAY!!! By no means do I think that we're "potty training." This is still very much PRE-potty training. I'm sure proud of Carver, all the same. :)

Lesson #2: Don't judge other parents

Carver is NOT napping at the moment and I'm here supervising that little bit of rebellious behavior. I might as well be productive about it, right? Lesson #2 comes next because it's the next one on my mind. No order to this whatsoever. Check out Carver and I in this group shot from last summer's trip to Disneyland. It's a great one for this topic.... :)

And I'm going to be honest here. Don't we all see kids behaving badly at the park, in the store, where ever and wonder what their parents are thinking? It's only natural to assume that the 5 year old making a scene in church has never been taught reverence, right? And that 4 year old with a pacifier is over-indulged and babied by parents who won't help him grow up? Wrong.

Carver's disabilities don't show. He doesn't look different from other kids, most of the time. He wore his SPIO suit for awhile and sometimes he has drool or yogurt on his shirt that most 3 year olds don't have. But otherwise, his disabilities qualify as "invisible." So when we are at the park, in the store, at the doctor's office - other people see his constant physical motion, inability to follow directions and tantrums as signs of bad parenting, right? Probably. Sometimes his behaviors give clues to other parents that there is something wrong and they might ask, they might not. But plenty of other times they wonder why we can't control this kid who looks like he must be 4. But his disabilities are REAL and so we look and sound different from other families sometimes. I'm sure lots of people have come to inaccurate conclusions about us because they only know part of the story.

So if Carver's difficulties are invisible, what else might be? How about sick children? Maybe they missed their naps, maybe they are going through a difficult phase, maybe whatever activity we see them in happens to be the hardest part of their day. We might be seeing someone at their very worst. Or maybe it's just a huge success that they made it out of the house that day, for whatever reason. There are so many invisible challenges, so much more to everyone's story than what we see in a brief conversation or even in an afternoon at the park. I'm trying hard to remember that and I'll tell you what - my perspective has really changed as I look around and give parents the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty sure we're all just doing the best we can. Until you know the WHOLE story, it's just not time to judge.

Shnuggles

Ah, the sweetness of sleeping kiddos. Carver and I have a tradition of "Shnuggles" in the morning. He wakes up around 6:30, which is too early for the little sister he share a room with. So we're thankful he almost always comes to find me instead of flipping on the light in there. I should get up at 6 or 6:30 on my own, but I'm not a morning person and we don't get to bed before 11 so I'm desperately tired when he comes in. I hear his little footsteps across the floor, climbing onto the cedar chest at the foot of my bed and then I feel him climb up beside me. Othertimes I see his face peeking at me from the side of the bed.

He climbs in beside me and wiggles a lot, trying to comfort himself by playing with my hair or stroking my arm. He kicks a little, too, or pushes off my legs - probably seeking propioceptive input. I try to tickle his back, rub his arms or give him tight squeezes and hold his hands. But honestly, I'm mostly wishing like crazy I was still asleep. Some days are more like 5:40 and then I try not to feel just down-right frustrated. He'll stay in bed with me for up to an hour on those days, not as long when it's later.

When he's done, he sits up and tells me "wake-up" or pulls the blanket off me. Lately he likes to tickle my feet. Usually I think this whole routine is a bit frustrating, but I realized yesterday how LUCKY I am that he gives me that time I need to wake up slowly. I love talking about breakfast with him, too. He'll start with "scones? chocolate chip scones?" Nope, Carver. It's not Friday yet. "pancakes?" "mini-wheats?" It's so fun to hear him wonder what we're having that day.

I love that I get to shnuggle with my little man, even for all the kicks and hair twirling in the early morning hours. Because I know that someday (probably soon) he'll outgrow it.