PRESCHOOL!!!

The big day!! He started preschool yesterday and it went great! He was super excited about the bus ride and wearing his backpack. He saw the bus approach, though, and stuck his thumb right in his mouth (we're really hoping that's not a new trend for him) so he must have been a tiny bit nervous. He climbed on the bus no problem and got all buckled in. Here he's blowing kisses at us:



It's pretty neat, actually. There is a bus driver, obviously, and she had an assistant to help out. There are built in booster seats that fold out of the regular ones so he was buckled in a 5 point harness. He came home happy as a clam, talking about the bus like crazy. He didn't seem worn out or anything, but as the afternoon went on I could tell he was tired. HURRAY!

His preschool teacher called in the afternoon and reported that he'd done great, followed along with the group well and was speaking more than they expected. Good news! His teacher's name is Ms. Maki and she said that he must know her name because when he wanted her, he'd call out "Ma! Ma!" I can totally hear that sound in my head and cringed just a little because it'll get old fast! Maki said that he played kitchen with a couple girls and they were setting the table together. Cute boy! I guess he sucked his thumb a couple times at school, but she said that he was too busy to have it be a problem. That's good news. By the end of the day, however, she could tell he was ready to go home. He was obviously listening for the buses and saying, "home."

Today he woke up REALLY early (6 am I heard dinosaur stomping sounds coming from his room and the light ON!!) and was definitely grumpier. I'm helping in Ellie's class or I'd give him a nap for sure. Too bad.

The bus stop thing is working out great. His bus comes just before it's time to take Lydia to hers. Today was a little tight and I had to send her ahead of us, but made it there in time to kiss her and wave good-bye to her through the window. His returning bus comes at 12ish and we have time to eat lunch quick before taking Ellie to HER bus stop. What could be REALLY crazy is working out great. But 5 bus stops to remember a day?! That's insane. At least Carver's is at our house!

So that's preschool! More on his birthday to come.

LAST speech therapy

I'm full of emotions these days because I had to have a good cry after our WONDERFUL speech therapist left for the last time today. Carver's graduated from the SKIP program (birth-3 yrs) and is now ready for our school district's program, a developmental preschool in our case. I've loved doctors in the past and teachers the girls have had, but there is something really profound about someone who loves and helps your child with special needs. It just tugs at my heart strings like nothing else. So here's a big THANK YOU to one really special speech therapist.

She had great tips for our preschool IEP in a week, getting into writing his oral needs and making a plan for sending the chewy tube and probably gum in his backpack. Also she noted an improvement in his drooling and suggested wrist bands for wiping his face himself. I think it's REALLY time I put that on my list for Target. :)

We talked about goals we made back in May at the beginning and it was exciting to reflect on Carver's progress. He's come so far in just 6 months. Those first appointments he spent throwing fits, begging and crying for milk or food all the time, with absolutely no attention span for play. Now he not only associates his ST with play-doh, but sits for a good 20 minutes or so playing with us. AMAZING. And he uses words for what he wants, he waits for the next activity so much better than he used to, understanding that we're doing something now and he waits for something to come later. We still have a lot of work to do (dressing, undressing, potty training, to name a few...) but we've come so far!

The transportation dept at the school district called today and scheduled bus stop times for Carver and it works out perfectly to have him picked up here. I can't believe it fit into my already bus-stop filled day. Hurray for that! We're going to go take a little mini tour of the bus the Monday before he starts to see what it's like. I hope it helps. What an exciting time. Change always makes me emotional, moving, graduating, maybe it's the change of seasons, too. Sometimes I'm amazed I don't cry when I take out or put away the winter clothes! What an exciting, stretching time for Carver and for me, too.

the latest

I'm getting behind! Therapy was last week, she brought "thera-putty" which is basically silly putty in various degrees of softness. It's pretty cool, but Carver's afraid of it because I popped a couple air bubbles in it at first, thinking he'd like it. Guess not! Grace loves it, so does everyone else. I like how it sinks back down smooth when you're done but feels so firm when you play with it.

We worked on a puzzle with him (an animal sound kind from Melissa and Doug) and he wasn't very interested in finishing it. We also built towers with wooden blocks and said, "up, up" with each block added. He wasn't interested in the tower until we made a garage for his car and then he was all about helping add blocks to the top! I guess it's always about finding the angle. :)

And now... drum roll, please..... we took away the pacifier! Saturday morning was the last time. I'd been prepping it on Friday by saying things like "where did your pacifier go? Is it on a boat? Did it go on a train? Is it at it's grandma's house?" silly things like that. I believe that helped get the idea of the pacifier being far away, not just in my pocket or in the kitchen drawer. I really think it's helped. So we didn't do a "fairy" or a trade or a big garbage throwing away moment and, while I'm using only good old fashioned lying as my technique, I think it's saving us trauma. Ellie talked about her "happer" in the garbage truck for MONTHS and never liked the stuffed cat we offered as a trade. what's the point? I've just told him it's gone, we don't have it anymore. That's true. Then we hypothesize about where it could have gone and that's that. Bedtime is tricky. He's requiring a lot of singing and arm rubbing, but that's how it started out when we moved him from his crib. It might take a couple weeks, but he'll adjust. As I type, he's fallen asleep on our bed without the "yum-yum." there is definitely hope! :)

It all started because the preschool teacher called and I asked which she'd rather we work on, the pacifier or the potty training. She said pacifier and I figured now was as good a time as any! We're working on getting the bus stops set up, as well. We meet on the 17th to make an IEP (Individual Education Plan or something along those lines) and his first day is his birthday, Oct. 22nd! Wednesday. Wow. So exciting.

He's a super Mommy's boy right now - pretty tiresome, but sweet at the same time. I love being needed and there are few things cuter than being taken by the hand by Carver to go play, unless of course he's whining and crying and pulling hard. I think that happens most often!

I'm sure proud of him for going cold turkey on the yum-yum. I hope this week is okay for all of us!

Back in the swing of things

I'm feeling all better, I had my hard day and now I'm back into regular mode. I'm excited and grateful for all that we've seen in terms of progress and we have much to look forward to!

We didn't have speech until this week. Wednesday to be exact. She answered a lot of my questions, thoughts about preschool. I should be able to take Carver to observe the preschool, maybe ride the bus with him or follow it the first couple days. They teach standard preschool curriculum - shapes, colors, etc... potty training is a high priority, as well. I've been dreading that for years, seriously. But if they want to try it, we'll do our part. I guess it's got to get worse before it can get better. Pull-ups are so stinkin' expensive, though! She thinks morning would be better for Carver, as do I. I need to call today since I still haven't heard from a preschool teacher.

Our ST said that the term for Carver's speech difficulty is "apraxia" which is basically poor motor planning in your mouth. There are 3 types/degrees. The first is just verbal - difficult with speech. The second is oral and relates to swallowing and eating, drool, etc... The third is general apraxia and affects the entire body. Despite Carver's lack of coordination in his motor skills, his apraxia is somewhere between verbal and oral. Swallowing and eating hasn't been a problem, but he obviously has a hard time containing his saliva and feeling drips, etc... This is not disheartening to me. It is just a name for what we've already known. Having a name gives me more books to read, websites to browse. Check out apraxia-kids.org for more on this.

Latest successes:

Lots more words strung together. Mostly 2 words, sometimes 3 if you disregard pauses between them. Even "green lawn mower."

I feel like colors are getting better for him, he's right more often than he used to be. :)

He's counting. I swear I hear him get these right half the time, even up to 10. It's hard to decipher his language, though, even knowing what he's trying to say. Bless his heart for trying!!

He's been doing much more imaginative play - crawling around and making animal sounds. A snake on the kitchen table for example or a lion crawling around my room. I might limit animals to the floor, but it's so cute.

He also assigns familial roles to his toys now - moms and dads mostly. I love seeing that. and usually the dad is the big one, so he's thinking about it.

He sits through books better than he used to, listens and wants to talk about the pictures and the action. He loves Green Eggs and Ham right now. And truck books. Are you My Mother, too? He likes to answer "no" whenever I read, "is the cow his mother? is the dog his mother?" It's great!

Carver has been learning to be more gentle with Grace, even trying to play with her a little. The other day she was trying to tickle him and he looked totally surprised and unsure what to do. He let her play around a bit and then stood up and wanted to squeeze her. It was sweet to see him want to show her affection like that.

He's talking about bubbles and pancakes and loves to make pretend pancakes in the bath.

I could probably keep going, but this is enough for today. Thank you to the many friends and family for your support and love on my rough days and on the good ones, too.

The Short Bus

Before I had Carver evaluated the first time, almost a year ago, I had to prepare myself emotionally to hear potentially heart-breaking news. I wanted help badly enough to move ahead and really haven't looked back. I have felt excited and encouraged by our help, almost all the time.

Today I took him to be evaluated by the school district. The preschool is at a different elementary school than the one his sisters attend and I wandered around a little, trying to find the office. We did a vision/hearing screen first - wow! I had no idea they were so creative testing vision for non-communicative kiddos like Carver. She dropped red felt-like balls (like those fuzzy kind you get at craft stores) of various sizes, starting from golf-ball size down to a pea size and smaller. She watched to see if his eyes followed the drop. Interesting, huh? Then she had him point to dots of various sizes, each card had a smaller one than the one before. He found them all! So he passed that. The school psychologist met us there and led us back to the preschool area, the special ed portable.

It had low tables, kitchen toys, a room full of toys, even a TV and a couch. There were 3 women waiting for him, who all greeted him warmly and jumped right in to play/evaluate. One was a language pathologist, one was a physical therapist, the other was evaluating his cognitive abilities. I get the sense that this last one kind of makes some decisions about placement with teachers and whatnot. I can not say enough how wonderful each of them were. I have profound gratitude and respect for those who work in special ed, not only for the kids they bless every single day, but for the parents. It is an overwhelming feeling to see how these adults absolutely loved my son while we were there. Their patience and willingness to play with him and work with him on his terms was amazing. I watched a little of the evaluation, while the school psychologist got paperwork ready for me.

It was the same sorts of things I'd seen before. Asking him to string beads, make towers, point to pictures, identify pictures, catch a ball, throw a ball, jump off a chair, answer questions, use a marker, etc... The only surprise today was that he CAUGHT a rec ball one the first try! I was shocked. I had to tell them it's very unusual, don't give him too much credit for that! I answered some of their questions, as well. Then I filled out forms about his self-help abilities, social interactions, things that they can't see in a setting like this. That was hard because I want to be honest, but I know my perspective is skewed. Some areas I'm sure I gave him too much credit, some I probably short-changed him. That perfectionist in me is hard to shake, but I did the best I could. After all that, we reviewed the results with each specialist at a table while Carver had a snack.

Here's a generic example I found online of how it works (statistics 101), but also a little backwards in terminology. I'm going to focus on the left-hand side of the curve, representing delays in development. The middle sections "same as others" represent "average," then that next area labeled "probably" is called "moderately delayed" and is between -1.5 and -2 deviations from the norm. The "definitely" section on this curve is known as "severely delayed" or more than a -2 deviation.



His best area is social, which makes sense. He's incredibly social. Even in the normal range for his age, on the low end. Right around a -1.3 or so. But tested as a 3 year old, he might fall off into the moderate delay category. Everything else, gross motor, fine motor, expressive and receptive language was about -2 deviation or representing a "severe delay." To qualify for the preschool, you need to have 2 or more in the moderate section OR at least one severe delay. So he's definitely in!

We talked about preschool options a bit, they have two afternoon classes so the class size is smaller, but the younger kids (nappers) are usually in morning, so we're going to wait and see what they decide to do, based on personality of the classes and teachers and sizes and all that. I should hear from a teacher soon. Preschool is Mon-Thurs in either case. I'd prefer mornings since he IS still napping about half the time and because I really believe it'd be much more effective if he wasn't super grumpy. The bus WILL come to our house and get him, if I'm willing to do it. He has some issues with separation sometimes, but I really think he'd LOVE to be on a bus and that it's important for him to feel grown-up in that way.

I should be ecstatic. This is what I've been hoping for these last months. But instead, I came home and cried in the bathroom for a minute before going to pick up Ellie and Grace from my friend's house. And still, Melissa got to see me breakdown again after Ellie ran out to the car with Carver. I don't know what happened, but it all just hit me again. I've been so focused on getting him the help that he needs that it hadn't all sunk in til just then. I felt all that heartbreak for my little boy, that he can't do things that other 3 year olds can, that it might be a LONG time til he can read and tie his shoes and not drool. I hurt for the future that is still uncertain for him. They asked today if we'd done any neurological testing and indicated that after we get him settled in the preschool, it might be a good idea to run some tests and check for medical conditions causing his delays. I am prepared to do that, but it hurt to think of all the issues and struggles we haven't even faced yet.

He takes his chewy to the bus stop and kids ask almost every day (sometimes the same ones every day!) what it is, what it's for. He's going to ride "the short bus" and have special ed. He will wear a special suit under his clothes. The older he gets, the more he's falling behind. Will he always be labeled? Will he fit in with other kids? Will they be mean to him? Will he get the help he needs? Can I do this?!

I have been totally taken by surprise to feel this way and decided to let myself have a minute or two to cry and mourn for what we have missed and what won't be. But then I'm going to pick up where I left off and be the advocate that Carver needs, getting answers and help and loving this boy the best that I know how.

The chewy and more

Today was therapy. We played with the dollhouse and Carver and Ellie had a blast together playing peek-a-boo through the windows. our ST commented on Carver's extended attention span playing with her. It takes some motherly intervention sometimes, but the girls can be very helpful with him!

We talked about limiting the "yes/no" questions and trying to prompt Carver to say words on his own, now that he's imitating us so much more. Which he is!! Almost everything we say he tries to copy. His sounds are getting more clear and you just see him watching our mouths and trying so hard to get it right. He thinks he's doing something great and we're excited to see growth happening. We've really turned a corner in that way.

She said that his language is currently limited to "here and now" which works to his advantage since it's easier for people to understand because there is ALWAYS context for his words. So what might seem to be a challenge to overcome definitely has a "silver lining."

Getting him ready for school will include helping him express what he needs and wants in multiple ways. She also suggested helping him "show me" or ask in another way by telling him "my ears didn't understand that" rather than placing responsibility (AKA blame!) on him for a lack of understanding. She said that self-esteem really starts forming in these years and we don't want to make him feel like he has problem that he can't overcome.

RECENT SUCCESSES:
At the park last week during Lydia's soccer practice, he was driving with the steering wheel on the big toy and I asked him if he was driving. He looked delighted and said, "mm-hmm." Then thought a minute and said, "bus." Score for Carver!! Imagination, language, answering question, playing with me - it was all there. It was a happy mom moment. He also used his handy string to give the bus "gas." I LOVED it!!

He said, "my chocolate chip" the other day. Really, chocolate chip is one word since he doesn't know they are separated. But the my+ phrase is so wonderful to hear! It's a classic toddler expression, too, huh? :)

I've been working on limiting the "yum-yum" and especially encouraging the chewy tube, which we call his "chewy." Here's a picture of it. It's 1 foot long.



And here's Carver with it in his mouth. I think he usually prefers to stick one end in his mouth like a straw and he DEFINITELY prefers it loose to being tied in a knot.



His speech therapist said that using it at all is a step up from the pacifier, even though having it in a knot around his wrist would be helpful for school. I'm trying to bring it to the bus stop (that's 90 minutes of my life every day, remember) to get it into routine. And I hadn't even thought of this, but the ST said that was perfect because if I keep working on that association, it'll be really natural to send Carver with it on his own bus in a month and a half. It's nice when things work out like that, huh? I'll pretend it's because I'm such a wise mom. :)

Kids at the bus stop DO ask what it is and it's a good introduction to the many issues surrounding kids with special needs. I just say it's for him to chew on instead of a pacifier. That makes sense and answers their question directly. Works for me!

Carver's climbing into his booster SO well. Today was a hiccup and he didn't do so hot when our ST was here, but otherwise that's helping a lot. I'm trying to teach him to wash his own hands at the sink. Another good step in the direction of self-help.

Friday is the district evaluation!! 2 more days and I can get a whole lot more answers, things to plan on. Oh, and a new learning curve comes into play now that I've got the hang of the SKIP program. It's about time to up my sensory education a notch or two!

sunny day in the sandbox

Today we did therapy outside and it was BEAUTIFUL. Finally the summer days I've been dreaming of, right after school starts! :)

We practiced walking on the edge of the sandbox and he did great. We practiced concepts like under/over, in/out. Mostly it's a great sensory activity for him. I asked Ellie to give him some space while he walked on the wall and he repeated "space" 10 more times, delighted that he could say it himself. What he thinks it MEANS is another story, but the word is a great start! :)

Ah, the SPIO suit saga continues. But I think we've reached a happily ever after. The red one is great, but the top started to slide up over the tummy (reminds me a little of pregnancy...). One day at the park, he wore his SPIO and I started to hear little snagging sounds on his pants while he climbed on logs and immediately panicked about our $200 lender. I whipped it off him and discovered a pulled seam in the top at the same time. YIKES! I talked to our ST today and she called the SPIO rep and they're getting us a new top (their fault, not mine on the pulled seam - whew!) and they don't mind delaying billing til January when our insurance gets upped a notch. At least I am banking on that increase in benefits. ANYWAY, next week after we get the new top, we'll be giving the SPIO suit another go-around and see what we think. She said to watch to see if it helps his posture at all - I think I'll research what it might help so I can pay better attention. I really like the idea of something helping him all the time - especially at preschool - so I am happy to try again.

Also, our ST recommended talking to the pediatrician about the curdle-y milk spit-up thing. She thinks it's worth investigating, especially if it might a reflux issue fueling his desire for milk products. I'll ask in October.

I let Carver play in the bubbles in the kitchen sink this morning and learned a couple new tricks to curb the mess. Kind of embarrassing that I didn't think of these sooner...

1. use a lot of soap so you don't need as much water to fill the sink with bubbles.
2. don't give him full size cups - just measuring cups and spoons

It made SUCH a difference in the mess. He still tried to put his leg in a few times and dunked his head in the bubbles once or twice, but the mess was manageable. I don't mind changing his clothes afterwards, it's the water streaming down the cupboards and puddling on the chair, rug, floor, counter, etc... that drives me nuts.

Carver learned to say "peach" this week for his yogurt and is so proud of himself. It's wonderful to see how excited he is about words. He even bit his lip for the "f" in "off" after watching and practicing and trying so hard. What a challenge to have everything take so much effort. I admire his efforts to do things like his sisters and friends, no matter how hard it is for him.