Lesson #5: A Boy and His Thumb

Once upon a time there was a baby boy of squishy leg rolls and chubby cheeks. His mother gave him a pacifier when he cried, to soothe him to sleep. He loved his pacifier and began to call it his "yum-yum." This mother liked the yum-yum because it calmed him down when he was frustrated, which was often. And she liked that it was something they could eventually wean him of. They were a family rich in yum-yums, hidden in many places around the house and used for bedtime, car rides, movies, and late afternoon grumpies.


Then one day, this baby boy grew up into a preschooler. And his mom decided that it was a good time to say good-bye to the yum-yum. He missed it, but learned to sleep without it. They coped with disappointments and frustrations without it's help. But he wasn't ready to give up the soothing feeling of something in his mouth. They tried gum and a chewy tube, but they weren't the same at all. At long last he found the perfect thing for his mouth - his thumb. His mom didn't think it was perfect at all. How would she ever help him stop?


As I wrote this little tale, I realized again how much of it is about ME rather than CARVER. Interesting. I am a control-freak of various degrees and naturally like the security of pacifiers, that I get to choose when it's used and where it hides, when it's time to outgrow it. I'd asked some of Carver's OTs and SLPs and gotten recommendations to take away the yum-yum, but ultimately it was my choice. And he wasn't ready at all. He may have learned to sleep without it, but he wasn't ready to LIVE his life without it. I resisted that thumb, but in the end realized that it was my own fault for taking the yum-yum away too soon.

Then I made an even greater realization: Carver needs his thumb and that's OKAY. It's not my issue, it's his. I've even learned that it's a wonderful thing that Carver gets to choose when and when not to suck on his thumb. I see patterns - when he watches movies or listens to books, when he rides in the car or sits at church, when I tickle him, when I snapped at him this morning from the shower because he was playing in my jewelry box after I JUST told him not do. He sleeps with the yum-yum because it is still his favorite, but he doesn't get it any other time and he doesn't mind at all. He is learning to self soothe and that's an important skill for anyone. He won't suck his thumb his whole life - at least not in public, right? :)

So the lesson of the day is to accept your kids as they are. I never wanted a thumb-sucking child. EVER. But Carver needs his thumb and I take him as he is. We don't get to choose what our children like and don't like. We don't get to choose their personalities or sense of humor. I am learning to let go of my control issues, to honor my children's individuality and even let my 8 year old part her own hair.

Lesson #4: Mother knows best

Next week Carver will see a pediatric gastroenterologist at Children's Hospital to get to the bottom of his regurgitation. He's been "spitting up" continually since he was an infant. It was curdly milk for a while, lately it's been more acidic. I'll spare you too many details, but his chin is raw from the drool and occasionally has just terrible breath. He has also been addicted to milk/cheese/yogurt his whole life - which I think is his way to soothe his stomach. Doctors have REPEATEDLY blown me off - many different doctors. Last time she assured me that reflux would hurt, that the main symptom is stomach upset. Well, Carver's not going to be able to communicate that to me even if he realized that his stomach hurt - and I'm not sure he'd know. So I finally decided that as his mother, it's time to refer myself to a specialist. Of course, I called and made that oh-so-helpful pediatrician do the paperwork. I've talked to friends in the medical field and got some invaluable tips about other possibilities, procedures and ideas. I'm determined to see this through. If it means I break down and cry to the GI doctor next week, I'm not leaving without a plan.

It's not easy to work through referrals at this hospital, it's intimidating to go there without a full knowledge of the specialty, but I've done my research and I'm taking a list of symptoms and observations of Carver. The last mediocre doctor gave me a prescription (generic Zantac) to try and it's possibly helped the acidity of the regurgitation, but not the frequency. And I still don't feel comfortable blindly medicating what could be a more physical problem. I'll keep you posted.

I kick myself for not pushing the issue sooner, but I think I had my hands full with the rest of the sensory issues and now I've reached a plateau where I can tackle another set of problems. It reminds me of what I learned the first time around. When you know as a mother that something is wrong, you don't give up until you get the help your child needs. No good doctor should dismiss this motherly intuition, but so many do!! I just don't get that. Don't ever back down when you think something is wrong -with your child or yourself. It's worth pushing for answers!

Recent Successes

Here's a few things I don't want to forget:

Carver learned to JUMP a couple weeks ago! HURRAY for him! It's so cute, a full-body wind-up for a very little bit of air cleared by those little boy toes. We cheered and cheered!

Carver ate his yogurt without a drip TWO days in a row after preschool last week. He used his spoon to wipe his chin, too. I really believe it comes from a fabulous sensory diet at preschool. He comes home on top of his game. It's amazing to see.

Our dear friend, Sue, dropped by with a surprise for Carver. A brand new Sonicare toothbrush! She happened to have a stash at her house and wanted to share with us after reading his blog. Not just Carver, though - even mom and dad got one! I was so touched by her thoughtfulness and the generosity of her gift. WOW! Although it's going to take me some practice to get used to that kind of vibration in my mouth. I can't believe Carver loves it so much! It's pretty intense for typical mouths like mine. :) He LOVES it, though. In his mouth, on his cheeks, lips, neck, even his armpit once. (Yum!) Thank you, thank you, Sue!!

LAST speech therapy

I'm full of emotions these days because I had to have a good cry after our WONDERFUL speech therapist left for the last time today. Carver's graduated from the SKIP program (birth-3 yrs) and is now ready for our school district's program, a developmental preschool in our case. I've loved doctors in the past and teachers the girls have had, but there is something really profound about someone who loves and helps your child with special needs. It just tugs at my heart strings like nothing else. So here's a big THANK YOU to one really special speech therapist.

She had great tips for our preschool IEP in a week, getting into writing his oral needs and making a plan for sending the chewy tube and probably gum in his backpack. Also she noted an improvement in his drooling and suggested wrist bands for wiping his face himself. I think it's REALLY time I put that on my list for Target. :)

We talked about goals we made back in May at the beginning and it was exciting to reflect on Carver's progress. He's come so far in just 6 months. Those first appointments he spent throwing fits, begging and crying for milk or food all the time, with absolutely no attention span for play. Now he not only associates his ST with play-doh, but sits for a good 20 minutes or so playing with us. AMAZING. And he uses words for what he wants, he waits for the next activity so much better than he used to, understanding that we're doing something now and he waits for something to come later. We still have a lot of work to do (dressing, undressing, potty training, to name a few...) but we've come so far!

The transportation dept at the school district called today and scheduled bus stop times for Carver and it works out perfectly to have him picked up here. I can't believe it fit into my already bus-stop filled day. Hurray for that! We're going to go take a little mini tour of the bus the Monday before he starts to see what it's like. I hope it helps. What an exciting time. Change always makes me emotional, moving, graduating, maybe it's the change of seasons, too. Sometimes I'm amazed I don't cry when I take out or put away the winter clothes! What an exciting, stretching time for Carver and for me, too.

the latest

I'm getting behind! Therapy was last week, she brought "thera-putty" which is basically silly putty in various degrees of softness. It's pretty cool, but Carver's afraid of it because I popped a couple air bubbles in it at first, thinking he'd like it. Guess not! Grace loves it, so does everyone else. I like how it sinks back down smooth when you're done but feels so firm when you play with it.

We worked on a puzzle with him (an animal sound kind from Melissa and Doug) and he wasn't very interested in finishing it. We also built towers with wooden blocks and said, "up, up" with each block added. He wasn't interested in the tower until we made a garage for his car and then he was all about helping add blocks to the top! I guess it's always about finding the angle. :)

And now... drum roll, please..... we took away the pacifier! Saturday morning was the last time. I'd been prepping it on Friday by saying things like "where did your pacifier go? Is it on a boat? Did it go on a train? Is it at it's grandma's house?" silly things like that. I believe that helped get the idea of the pacifier being far away, not just in my pocket or in the kitchen drawer. I really think it's helped. So we didn't do a "fairy" or a trade or a big garbage throwing away moment and, while I'm using only good old fashioned lying as my technique, I think it's saving us trauma. Ellie talked about her "happer" in the garbage truck for MONTHS and never liked the stuffed cat we offered as a trade. what's the point? I've just told him it's gone, we don't have it anymore. That's true. Then we hypothesize about where it could have gone and that's that. Bedtime is tricky. He's requiring a lot of singing and arm rubbing, but that's how it started out when we moved him from his crib. It might take a couple weeks, but he'll adjust. As I type, he's fallen asleep on our bed without the "yum-yum." there is definitely hope! :)

It all started because the preschool teacher called and I asked which she'd rather we work on, the pacifier or the potty training. She said pacifier and I figured now was as good a time as any! We're working on getting the bus stops set up, as well. We meet on the 17th to make an IEP (Individual Education Plan or something along those lines) and his first day is his birthday, Oct. 22nd! Wednesday. Wow. So exciting.

He's a super Mommy's boy right now - pretty tiresome, but sweet at the same time. I love being needed and there are few things cuter than being taken by the hand by Carver to go play, unless of course he's whining and crying and pulling hard. I think that happens most often!

I'm sure proud of him for going cold turkey on the yum-yum. I hope this week is okay for all of us!

More to add to our bag of tricks

Speech report, speech report... this is SUPPOSED to have pictures, but our camera DIED today. What will I do without it?!

Oh, well. Here's what we talked about today:

GUM - we're ready to try this again (he loves it but played with it after awhile and I got more than a little tired of picking gum out of things). She suggested 1/2 piece sometimes, 4 pieces other times for different strengthening of the muscles in his mouth.

CHEWY TUBES - just a therapy resistance band cut into 1 ft. length, tied in a knot at one end. He can wear it on his wrist, chew on either the knot or the other part. It's more age appropriate and all that. So we have two colors: red is softer and the blue is more resistant. I'm not sure which he'd prefer because he WILL NOT even touch them. He has an instant aversion to them for some reason. Grace knew right what to do with them so I'm going to let her show her big brother how fun it can be. :)

NUK BRUSH - these are common enough and another alternative to the pacifier. I got one of these from our ST, too.

BACKPACK - we loaded up his backpack today and he loves it. He loves putting things in it, taking them out, wearing it around. He went to the door and said, "buh-bye." He gets to practice pushing and pulling and using a zipper. We'll be playing backpack a whole lot more.

PLAY FOAM - I finally found this at Target and it's fabulous stuff. The girls love it as much as Carver. It's exactly like playing with rice krispie treats when they are still warm. Cool stuff, more resistant than play doh and less messy. It leaves a little gummy film on the counter/table and the beads sometimes turn up after the fact on a shirt or something, but otherwise it's perfect.

TOOTHBRUSH - I finally got that vibrating toothbrush yesterday and Carver LOVES it. He's going to break the bank buying new vibrating toothbrushes. His ST said it's wonderful for his mouth, on his lips and cheeks - all over. Let him have it all the time, maybe one for actual brushing to leave in the bathroom to stay clean and another one for anytime.

I think that's it. We talked a bit about potty training, where he's at and how it's good enough for now. He wants to sit on the potty, wipe and flush. But the feeling the need is obviously not there. she encouraged him to climb into his booster himself, which he should be able to do with some practice. It's so easy to just do those things for him. It's BETTER to let him learn to do it himself.

Next week she's going to do the evaluation, preschool language testing and speech related tests. This is the evaluation that will go towards his preschool eligilabity. Hopefully he'll be grumpy and uncooperative, right? the school district will evaluate him in the other areas (motor skills, etc...) closer to his birthday. I'm not too worried about next week. It'll be nice to have everything decided and squared away with preschool, but until then I'm just going to be grateful with what we've got and all the progress I see in Carver. He said "dirt" out of the blue yesterday and took turns so nicely at the park with our friends. I couldn't ask for more!