Today I overheard one mom tell another mom about the difficult girl on her daughter's softball team - a group of 3rd graders. She described the way she never paid attention to the game, how she wrote in the dirt, made mud and played in it, couldn't follow directions. She head butted other girls when they were in their batting helmets, etc... Her main complaint was that it was an annoyance to the team, she couldn't believe that this girl's mom didn't intervene. From her perspective, the mom didn't seem to notice a bit. She commented that she must be a "nightmare" in the classroom. She said, with a mixed degree of relief and smugness, that next year the team is based on skill and she's sure THAT girl won't be moving up.

I kept quiet. I didn't know what to say. But inside, I had plenty of things to say to myself.

First of all, this girl needs help. I hope that her mother really isn't as oblivious as observed. Those behaviors are obviously NOT typical of 3rd graders. Life is going to keep getting more difficult, I am a huge believer in early intervention. I hurt for her, thinking of the many who watch her on the field and don't understand. I hurt for the mother they blame.

I've considered the dilemma of group sports for these very reasons. Swimming would be incredibly therapeutic for Carver, but a group lesson situation would be... um, difficult. He'd have a hard time following directions, need more attention than other kids and their parents would be resentful. How would I feel in a similar situation? Like I'd paid a lot for a class and expected to have equal attention from a teacher. Private lessons would be ideal, but terribly expensive and out of the question for us right now. Soccer? He'd love a turn to play, but again the interactions would be stressful to him, it would be so hard. But on the other hand, when he's ready, a team experience would be wonderful for him, physical activity tremendously helpful.

I realize not everyone has first hand experience with developmental delays and disabilities. They don't understand the balance between concern for everyone else's convenience and our children's need for integration and experience. I get that. I am incredibly grateful that my girls will have understanding of disabilities and, hopefully, grow up with compassion for others around them. It's certainly difficult to have Carver as a brother and they aren't usually saintly about it. But I hope that as they mature, what'll stay with them is that they love him anyway and that they are willing to be on his team and anyone else's who needs a cheering section.

motor planning and more

Speech was yesterday. She brought the evaluation results -

Auditory comprehension: standard deviation -1.67
Expresssive communication: SD -2.07
Total Language: SD -2.07

Qualification for therapy is determined by standard deviation, beyond -2 is considered enough in one category. Less than that and you'd need to qualify in more than one area. He might qualify in other areas, as well, but this number alone is enough to guarantee preschool. Reading her report was sobering. It was a good reminder of how far we have to go, of how much more I could do with him. I'm grateful that school is starting soon and that our routines are ready to be revamped. I'm going to try to schedule in more Carver play time.

I had him eat yogurt when Christina was here (something she'd wanted to see in the past) and it was really good. I use a dry washcloth to wipe his face and it helps him feel the drips and mess. He is getting better at feeling that, it's just hard for me to always be attentive to him when he eats. Christina also noted that carrying him to the sink to rinse him off afterwards is not only going to kill my back, but misses the opportunity to practice Carver's self-cleaning skills. Giving him the washcloth to wipe his own hands and face extends the snack (and therefore attention span) and also gives him a sense of confidence and an important skill set. Along those lines, having him climb into his booster seat is important. Of course, these things are difficult to take the time for in a busy house. But efficiency needs to take a back seat right now!

We did play-dough, his favorite thing. She had him open the lid and said... "OH"... and he finished with "-pen." Or kind of. Really exaggerate the OH. I can do that!

She suggested sports wrist bands to wipe drool again. I'm going to try to pick them up next time I'm at the store. At least I can have a towel handy. He's always stealing my kitchen ones anyway.

Poking 1 finger in playdough to isolate those muscles. Really let him do things himself. I need so much patience!! :)

She asked about the little milk curdle he had in his mouth, the last hold-out from years of spitting up. I could tell she was surprised and curious at what caused it. I'll bring it up AGAIN at his well check. No doctor has ever expressed interest or concern about it, no matter how many times I bring it up. It's better than it used to be. Now it stays in his mouth at least.

I asked about his inability to communicate awareness of the past. She said it was all connected to his poor motor planning skills. 2 step play builds cognitive awareness of sequencing, knowing what comes before and after. Interesting to consider how interconnected our senses are and a specific example of how play is work for babies and toddlers. Most babies learn these things naturally, without extra effort (Grace, for example!) but Carver needs to be taught each skill separately and then practice. Talk about exhausting for him and for us! He is doing so much better at understanding "now" and "later" - I can see how we're working towards remembering the past. Also, she suggested family photo albums of vacations in the past, etc... Good reason to print another shutterfly album!! :)

So I have a lot to work on. And I shouldn't just be blogging about it! Back to work!